Dispatch RiderBritish Dispatches
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
      ( 11:07 PM ) Spengy  

IT IS ALL PART OF THE GAME

Some of the greatest of all time cricket sledges;

1. Trueman and Aussie batsman
In a England v Australia Test during early 1960's Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilllion. As a new batsman came out he turned to shut the gate, Trueman said "Don't bother son, you won't be out there long enough."

2. Rod Marsh and Ian Botham
When Botham took guard in a Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife and my kids?"

3. Daryll Cullinan and Shane Warne
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

4. Adam Parore and Daryll Cullinan
Because Cullinan is well known for being Warne's bunny, New Zealand keeper Parore greeted the South African, carefully playing the first ball from kiwi Chris Harris, with a cry of: "Bowled Warnie!"

5. Glenn McGrath and Eddo Brandes
After Brandes played and missed at a McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler politely enquired: "Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?"
"Cos every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit," Brandes replied.

6. Robin Smith and Merv Hughes
During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played and missed: "You can't fucking bat".
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't fucking bat and you can't fucking bowl."

7. Merv Hughes and Javed Miandad
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls latter Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

8. Merv Hughes and Viv Richards
During a test match in the West Indies Hughes didn't say a word to Viv but continued to stare at him after deliveries: "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl."
Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say fuck off."

9. Ricky Ponting and Shaun Pollock
After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces."
Unfortunately for Pollock the next ball was hammered out of the ground. Ponting to Pollock: "you know what it looks like, now go find it."


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      ( 10:53 PM ) Spengy  

I FORGOT ONE

The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown : Dire. The title of this post pretty well somes it up really. If you feel the urge to purchase this book try drilling holes in your head or swallowing wasps until it passes.

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Monday, April 26, 2004
      ( 11:00 PM ) Spengy  

BOOKS - I'VE HAD A FEW

I do have a confession to make - I have been reading alot more since I retired from the regular posting period of my blog-life.

Since we last chatted I have absorbed;

Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides : Brilliant. I really recommend this to you.

Vernon God Little - DBC Pierre : Great read after you get used to the fact that "fuck" appears to be the new verb, noun, adjective and adverb. Don't let some reviewer who can't come up with an original view put you off by saying "a modern day Catcher in the Rye". Well recommended

Quarantine - Jim Crace : No wasted words. As dry and sparse as the place in which it is set. Is Musa the devil and Jesus the messiah? Recommended.

Star of the Sea - Joseph O'Connor : Don't believe the hype. Starts and develops nicely but let down by an author who seems to have run out of ideas 100 pages before the end. Recommended for long-haul flight reading only ......... funny that, I picked this up in an airport.

Spinners - Anthony McCarten : Fun, witty and quirky but not brilliant. Recommended for a rainy afternoon

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon : Great. Do yourself a favour, go out and buy this book tomorrow and read it.

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      ( 10:22 PM ) Spengy  

WELL I NEVER

Bloody hell this working lark is a mighty hard thing.

How do some of you find the time to surf the net, write a blog, make comments in other peoples blogs and generally arse about and hold down a full time job?

Either you are a bunch of bludging free loaders (tautology?) or are incredibly efficient, highly intelligent superbeings.

If it is the former, I want your job. If it is the latter then I am totally depressed because you are all way too clever for me OR I have just had a nine month period of surfing the net and talking to a bunch of computers with some fairly impressive forms of artificial intelligence. Either way I should probably give up trying to multi-task (work and blog).

Please feel free to leave words of encouragement or discouragement as you see fit.
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